Friday, December 17, 2010

Poem Two Draft: Dreams

title?
Falling asleep may or may not end well <strong / interesting openingI might just wake up with a smile
I might just wake up in sweat
A sleeping hell can be found in a nightmare <"a sleeping hell" is a nightmare so I don't understand your line<clarify<
Dreams never fail to send one thinking
Hearing the screams of the living dead
People run with death inches behind
Hide behind the strongest door
They almost get you then it stops
Thank god the dream is over <try rewriting this stanza using full sentences< I believe it will bring clarity and purpose
A new night with a new place
Snow covers the ground with stars so brightI find byself flying down a field
The speed is so great I don't want it to end
My eyes open then and realize i'm awake

Dreams mix up good and bad
Regardless the reason I'm always on the run
Something new to see and do
Fly or fall all free <try rewriting this stanza using full sentences< I believe it will bring clarity and purposeDreams are beyond anything great
Review my comments for direction, Derek. All those left margin caps: why?? --Gary

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